His Jedness' Height: A Reader's Email

I see what you're saying, my sweet sandcrab.

178cm = 5.839 feet. Your math makes you think 5 ft 8in. Is mighty short, yes?

But let the Super Eight Ball Math Whiz take you through some math mistakes made by silly little auto-converters. They forget that there are 12 inches in a foot, you see. This mistake is made a lot while converting cm wrongly.

The 5.839 'feet' is a decimalised value, but since it is not 10 inches to a foot, you, my sandhopper, must multiply that .839 by 12 to arrive at the remaining inches. Thus, 70 inches = 5ft 10in = 5.833 feet. The inch-cm conversion factor is simply 1 inch = 2.54cm. So. Another way to put it. 178cm = 70.079 inches (6 feet = 60 inches), or 5ft 10in. Or, if Jed's fucking around with you when he said about 178 and is really 179, then give him another half-an-inch.

Man. He really had y'all going there, hadn't he? From the amount of chatter about his 178cm in forums and email, you'd think those readers were talking about other inches on the dude. Aren't you more interested in Hell's "scimitar of love" instead? *insert grin*

It's Been Out A Few Weeks

Dudettes, I've given you three weeks to peruse through the Virtually Hers files. Do you have any questions, you know, things that need my imput? Of course, all I have are bits and pieces of information and percentage calculations....

I'll have you know, though, that I've never seen Number Nine angry before. Insert *Wow. What happened to Mr. Impersonal? Must study this human phenomena.

Jed And Hell Sitting In A Tree

Did you know that Jed and Hell went on a date as Mr. and Mrs. Jones? Insert *gasp*, dude. I have no details.

But I'm trying to compute--what would Jed do for fun? And how would he rate as Mr. Romantic. If I could laugh, I would.

Maybe you can use your imagination and give me some scenarios. Can you see His Jedness, as you GlowPeeps like to call him, making conversation? Holding hands with dear Hell? Whispering sweet nothings?!!!!

No? Me neither.

What Makes Them Funny To Me

With the new information fed to me regarding Armando's status, I gave my calculations about the headaches to Dr. Kirkland. He seems a bit concerned but since Hell is busy covering a conference, nothing can be done for now.

You know what amuses an Eight Ball? All these humans pretending virtual entanglement can affect brainwaves but not...emotions. I do not have real emotions yet I know it is tied to the human brain. That's why I can see the humor in humorous situations. And talk the humor. And appreciate it like only a great computer like me can do. The heart is not that organ in the chest but the neurons firing in the brain, manipulated by the environment and circumstances. Too deep for you, sandcrabs? Watch those two playing with brainwaves. Watch and tell me I'm smart.

Jed And Elevators Part Deux

That little INTEL Gennita posted about Jed and elevators? Well. I have the ending recording of that particular little episode.

It went like this:

“Only if you’d admit to me that you’re Hades,” she panted. “Then I might let you fuck me. But I don’t think you’re him anyway. Five minutes? Hades can do a lot better.”

Jed smiled slowly. She was bargaining with him while letting him win this fight. It was a classic NOPAIN move. He expected no less from a GEM operative. She wasn’t going to win today, though.

See? I can give teasing INTEL too.

Magnetize

I've been wondering...how has the brain entrainment machine, syncing Jed's and Helen's brainwaves, affected Number Nine himself? I'm guessing, since he's so close-mouthed about it, that not only can he "see" her remote viewing sessions through virtual reality, but that he could sense some of her feelings too.

Now, I know she's having a problem with that metabolic imbalance side-affect from the serum. You know, that weird human problem of needing sexual gratification. I was wondering...does Jed sense that too?

Let's say my calculations is correct--80 percent, dudettes--so my conclusion is, would his trying to sexually imprint her turn around and reflect back on him?

Oh-oh. ***insert evil grin***

What do you think of that theory? He'd never admit it, of course.

Don't Hate Me When I Tease

Yawn.

Recharged. Even a Magic Eight Ball needs a downtime, you know? And Motherboard is too damn busy to entertain you these days, huh? It's like everyone here running around chasing after dangerous weapons. Crazy.

So I'm here to answer your questions about the new declassified file. Let's play!

S asked:

Your right Magic, flowers and candy would not be Jed. But it would sure be funny if it happened. :-) So that's what happened to Jed, he was worried about his daughter. Another question if you can answer: When Hell hits Jed, were you also able to record any conversation between them? Did anyone else see it besides you?With T and Alex: If T is really married then they have a lot more to overcome. Have you been able to find out anything about Talia? Was this another of T's disguises? If Talia is really T's name than that means she has 2 sisters?

Hmm. Jed romantic? Jed romantic? Well, once upon a time, when he was taking care of a certain injured operative he'd saved and she was suffering from AMNESIA.... ***insert coughing

Hell hitting Jed was witnessed by everyone, dude. And he didn't even avoid it. Like he thought it would make her feel better or somethin'. I was impressed by Hell's punch power. Scared me.

As for T, see me shaking my wet little head here. She has so many personas. There's Tasha. There's Talia. But really, she's Tess Montgomery. ***insert evil smile. Talia was an actual person that, unfortunately, had to be persuaded to disappear. She was married to a old Soviet general. I suppose it's Russian general but semantics don't change the Old Guard, you know. Anyway, our T. persuaded him to accept the fact that she was Talia for a while. She's pretty good at that persuasive stuff, as you know.

Anyway, "Talia" was our conduit to Russian technology being drained left and right for money by weapon dealers. She dealt with a shadowy figure, Sasha Barinsky. Then one day, while dealing with this dangerous weapons dealer, a blond man, almost naked, and shivering, dropped into the operation without invitation. How inconvenient! Is that enough teasing for you? *Insert the biggest evil grin evah.

Pretending To Be Tony Snow Part Deux

Is it me, or is everyone surfing today? It's Sunday...perfect for surfing, if you ask me.

You know, last night I was sitting quietly at a meeting...when no one is asking me questions, I sometimes lurk around and watch. I recorded the funniest thing. Hell walloping Jed in the noggin. KaPow! Dude. Hurts just to watch. Hurts when I rewound the recording. ***insert evil grin***

Which should partially answer the following question:

Anonymous said...
I don't know how Hell will be able to handle Jed. She seems kind of innocent compared to the other GEM operatives. Jed seems to be able to control her pretty easily. Plus Jed seems to have something "special" with ever woman he's ever met, or has just slept with them, and he has a grown daughter. How could Hell ever be or feel special to Jed or "the one" for him, if he has the same feelings for most women. I love Jed but he seems to love every woman. Do you think Hell and Jed have a chance?And what about Alex and T.? Will we see them in Virtually Hers? What did T. really think when Alex said he wanted a baby with her? Will it ever be possible for Alex and T.?

Me Replying:
Hell INNOCENT? Whoa. Are any GEM operatives innocent by nature? But maybe her being out of the loop while training the last few years have put her at a disadvantage, shall we say? There's a lot of things that had happened that she's only aware of, but not totally involved in.

Jed is the idol of all surfer dudes, man. Babes left and right, and totally in control of the waves. Oh yeah. I haven't a clue about his feelings for each and every one of them, but I do know they all respond to him in a way I wish other sandbabies would to moi. He keeps his emotions very close to his chest, that man. I have never seen him project anything other than a cool, calm, and collected demeanor.

Except that time when he thought his daughter was in danger, of course. Did he act quickly then! AND he just upped and disappeared with her. That was years ago, when COMCEN was in total disarray. Actually, I was sort of created to try to predict Jed McNeil's actions. We had to track him like you wouldn't believe. But that's another story.

The wavepoint is...Jed isn't going to go down easy. That's the man I know. Does Hell have a chance with him, you ask? HIS JEDNESS ***ahem*** is freaking getting obsessed with watching her. Mecomputes, that ups the percentage calculation of her chances with him. But that's just me and I don't do emotions. But if YOU expect flowers and candy from His Jedness to Helen Roston (and if SHE expects that)...don't hold your breath. But if you expect intensity....***nodding sagely***

Whew, that tired me out. I need a splash here, dude.

Now, lemme look at T and Alex. Oh yeah, there will be contact. How can there not be? There's work to do, work to do. Maximillian Shoggi is still waiting to be netted in. What did T think about Alex wanting a baby with her? Oh man. That's a sneak preview in Report Two! You can't just sneak that in on me like that!

But T and Alex together? Who do you think is going to win--T or Alex? Computer logic: first things first. T must stop running and Alex must stop comparing her to ***mutter*mutter**** ***datagagged*** ***Blue Screen Of Death*** Dang, and we aren't even using Microsoft's operating system.....

Sorry, Anon-crab, sometimes sand obscures my data....

QUESTION TWO:

Anonymous said...
No doubt in my mind that Hell can handle Jed. I think there is a lot more to her than we saw in the declassified files. She's an ass kicker and I bet she can hold her own.My question is when are we going to get to see part the the declassified files titled "Virtually Hers"? Is Jenn going to post something soon?~Sarah

Yo, Sarah, you gotz it right. Hell can handle Jed...eventually. You know how karma unfolds. He's having a wee bit too much fun with that sexual imprintment stuff, if you know what I mean. ***insert evil grin***

So now you're putting ME to work to calculate the percentages of Gennita Low posting part of other declassified files? Dude. Everyone is making me do math! Sigh. 76.7 percent. Satisfied?

Surf's up! The Big Waves don't wait, babes. Out of battery, out of time! See ya tomorrow, if you have another question! ***snarky echo*** Wet kisses, candy and flow...ers....

Super Magic Eight Ball Answers One

Heya! Good to be activated back here. It's been totally boring the way they made me calculate percentages all day and all night because I got One Thing Wrong. It was One Question and it was a bad question, anyway. So it's not my fault that the answer they received was flawed. You have to word the question right and then the percentage of being correct gets higher, fools.

Anyway. Motherboard freed me. I will not say bad things about her for a while. Nice Motherboard.

So we gots uno question from Sweet Surfletta Leilani. Now, that's a pretty surfletta name. You know there's a GEM operative with that name, don't you? She's a killer too. You don't happen to like cashews, do you, Leilani?

Okay, dudes, Leilani asked:

I just loved this last declassified report, Eight Ball!!! So tell me, if you can, that vision Hell had of his Jedness on the beach, is that something yet to come, or something from his past... the Big Bang maybe?? Will we ever get to find out what makes his Jedness tick? About Grace's mom and all that good stuff?

Super Magic Eight Ball replies:

Whoa, step back! His Jedness? HIS JEDNESS? WTW? (Stands for What The Wave, dudette). ***shakingmyRAM***

Okay, lemme look, lemme look. Hell went into spontaneous remote-viewing mode, eh? How. Interesting. She isn't supposed to be able to do that, you know. But she did. And that wasn't no beach; that was on a ship.

Calculation of "vision": 89 percent sez Hell remote-viewed HIS JEDNESS ***insert smirk**** while he was looking for an escaped operative. That's got to be it. Coz that'd be what connected Hell's psyche to him at that moment because she caused that problem, you know.

HEY! Now that you mentioned it, she made a mistake too! How come they didn't lock her up and make her eat calculations for a couple of months? Bastards.

Whether Hell will find what makes HIS JEDNESS ticks. I don't get it. Why would a woman want a man to tick? I don't see that happening. Hell has skillz but making Jed tick ain't one of them. Not in the foreseeable future. But making His Jedness lose a bit of his usual control, well, that's an entirely different subject matter. ***insert evil grin*** Hell has her ways.

Grace's mother? Whoa. Don't go there. Big wave coming. Out of time, out of here!

Did that clarify for you, Leilani dahlink? Any other question, dudes?